Yep, right here…in this hole.
You see, I am hiding from the truth.
And the truth is…
This month is a complete BUST...
A-G-A-I-N!
No doubt about it.
It’s another BFN (BIG FAT NEGATIVE) for me.
They say that sometimes the best thing that we can do for our mental health is to be honest, and so here goes…
THIS SUCKS!
I apologize if those words offend any of you, but I am being totally honest and it’s just how I feel right now.
Oh, and while I’m being honest, I’ll go on and admit that yes, I fell victim to the “Reading Into Every Possible Pregnancy Symptom Syndrome” this month.
Silly, silly me…I know better.
So here I am world. Almost one year since my second miscarriage and still nothing. Nothing, but heartache, and disappointment, and let down.
Oh, and medicine induced weight gain…how in the world could I forget about the weight gain?!
I know, I know…I am having a pity party for myself and I’m the only one invited…sorry. But seriously, you wouldn’t want to be coming to this party anyway. After all, the only party favors are stark white with no second line on them pee sticks. Whoo, hoo! Yea, right!
Wish I could tell you what’s next, but I don’t know the answer to that question right now.
Wait, I know what’s next…my period.
Oh, what fun and joy. UGH!
Er, um, Lord, I know you are here with me, especially when I am at my lowest, and I thank YOU and praise YOU for that, really I do.
But, I’m not asking for the colors of a rainbow here, just two pink lines and they don’t even have to be big ones, I promise.
Maybe next month?
9 comments:
Tracey, My sweet, sweet friend. I'm sorry. I know sorry doesn't from even your bestest of friends or closest of closest family family don't make it any better, but I am sorry. I am gutted for you.
VENT AWAY! F'n BFN!! I hate those MFer's!! There! That's my contribution to that!
Sorry if I offended anyone reading this reply.
{{BIG HUGS}} to you Tracey. I LOVE YOU!!
L
Guess I should 're-read' my post before submitting it huh??? DUH!!!!!
I meant to say....
I know sorry doesn't make it better from even your bestest of friends or your closest family member, but I am truly sorry. I am gutted for you.
There, that's better!
Tracey - I wish could just come w/ a word that will comfort at this moment. But I don't think there is a one at this moment that will sound comfort. I thinking about you and praying for your good results soon. Love Nea.
May God give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your requests.
(Psalm 20: 4-5)
I love you and so feel your pain.
Know that I am giving you enormous long-distance hugs.
I Love You With All My Heart, Aunt Liz XXXOOO
I am so sorry to hear that Tracey! I'll keep praying for you and Michael. Maybe next month!
Tracy I have been following you on the two week wait for a while. I am also in Alabama. I know unfortunately how you are feeling. But yet you have another chance next month. Dont give up and let the devil defeat you. Claim it Girl! I unfortunately had to give up my dream of a baby because my insurance doesnt cover IVF and I lost my only tube to an ectopic in July. Have you considered going to ART in Birmingham? That is who I used. I did the IUI's each month and it did infact take 6 times before we had a positive pregnancy. I lost that baby in December and got pregnant without Dr's in May. I went through two methotrexate shots in June a week apart and in July my tube burst. I had to have the tube removed. I guess I am telling you all this because please dont give up. It can and will happen. I have faith and will be praying for you. I am sorry for the book but after following the IUI's on Two week wait I felt a special connection with some of you. I have never commented on the site but I just wanted you to know that people that you do not know existed are praying for you. Your time will come for RJ to have a little brother or sister or both. I honestly do believe that. Keep your head up and dont let the devil defeat you. You are a strong woman! God Bless!
Damn it!!!!! I'm so very sorry Tracey! You DOstill have a bfp in you I know you do!
Love and hugs sweetie.
Ugh...so sorry about this cycle. Same for me too...I had a triphasic chart and thought for sure I was going to wind up with a BFP, and then temps plummeted and here I am with AF. Hang in there though! Praying for that BFP for you!
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