Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago today I was walking down the aisle and saying "I do" to my husband.

If you want to learn a little bit about about how we got to this point, just go here and scroll down to Answer No. 5.

At times it seems like only yesterday, but in reality it's been a total of 3,285 days.

WOW! Where does the time go?!

During these nine years we have been through many ups and downs of life.

We have celebrated joys and shared sorrows.

We have fought and we have made up.

And, through all of these things (good or bad), we have done so together.

I can honestly say that I know my husband will always be there for me. He is the type of husband that lets me be me without judging or trying to change, and God only knows I can certainly be a tough cookie to deal with at times...LOL!

As a couple we are far from perfect, but we love the Lord and each other and somehow we manage to make it all work...even when we think it may not sometimes.

He loves our son (and me) unconditionally and really, isn't that what it's all about?

So today, I want to say a special "I LOVE YOU" to my husband and a special thank you to God for allowing me to spend my life with someone who, although far from perfect in the dictionary sense of the word, is just perfect for me. :0)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Fingers Crossed

Hello all!

I had my IUI yesterday (Monday) and the doctor said that the timing looked really good for this cycle.

Actually, he said some other stuff related to my wahoo, but I don't think you want to hear any sort of descriptions related to my cervical fluid.

'nough said...LOL!

Well, there you have it my friends. My 12th IUI (yes, you read that correctly), my 12th IUI is now officially on the books and so the dreaded two week wait begins...A-GAIN!

By the way, if you don't mind...

In addition to crossing fingers, could you please throw in a dozen or so four-leaf clovers, any lucky paraphrenalia you may have laying around the house, and a slew of extra prayers.

Thanks so much!

Update

I had my CD 11 ultrasound today.

I was curious to see what it was going to hold in store for me because it was my first time taking injectables.

And the verdict is...eh, not too bad, and nothing great either.

I had five egg follicles. Three on my left and two on my right. The sizes were 22mm, 19mm, 17mm, and two 11mm.

My E2 bloodwork was 637.

So it seems as if I've got at least two mature follies in there.

I am to trigger tomorrow and my IUI is scheduled for Monday.

Wish I could tell you that I am jumping for joy, but honestly, I am not.

Maybe I am just protecting myself from yet another future heartbreak.

Only time will tell, and of course I'll be right back here letting you all know what the outcome is.

Have a great weekend and God Bless!


P.S. On another note, my friend Lorrie did her 2nd IVF today. They transferred five beautiful embies. Please, please say a prayer for her and ask the Lord's blessings as she begins her wait to see if she will FINALLY become a mommy.

Getting To The Point

The injectable fertility med I am taking most definitely looks like your average, everyday ball point pen.

You know, the kind you pick up at a conference as a vendor freebie and then throw it carelessly in the kitchen or office junk drawer along with the other hundreds of pens, highlighters, stress balls, key chains, etc. that you’ve collected over the years.

But wait…this is no ordinary average pen my friends.

This one is special.

Even the ad says so.

See...

Whatyousay?

There are even more reasons why the Follistim Pen stands out?

Why yes.

Hmmmm, perhaps it’s that this almost too familiar-looking writing apparatus (in disguise) costs over $400 dollars!

Well, that did include the one teeny, tiny vial of medicine, but c'mon now.

Er, um excuse me.

It doesn't come in an array of colors like Sharpie markers?

WTH?

For that much moo-la surely one should be able to select a personal favorite color and whether or not you want it to be a fine tip or medium tip, know what I mean?

Oh, and just what in the world is the little pocket clip for?

Seriously.

Dear,

Sweet,

Drug

Manufacturer...

Do you really think that I am just going pop this “pen” into my pocket and wear it around the workplace just in case someone asks me if they can borrow it?

To which I can then say, “Oh, this little thing? No, it’s not a pen. It’s just my fertility medicine that I am not so inconspicuously hiding because I want to outwardly announce to the entire freakin’ world that I am having trouble getting pregnant on my own!”

How ‘bout you try my Uni-ball Gel Impact Retractable instead?

And, hey, by the way, I’ve got one in black, red, and blue.

An enhanced dosage window?

Nope, my Uni-ball doesn’t have one, but with a little bit of practice you can click out the tune to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

You wanna’ talk about standing out?

Now just try that with a Follistim pen!

Ha!

But then again, my Uni-ball can't produce egg follicles, right?!

Touche'

I Had A Date

yesterday…with the wahoo wand a.k.a. Transvaginal Transducer Probe.

Try saying that 10 times real fast.

Aside from the tongue twister of a name, what’s even more perplexing is that the Transvaginal Transducer Probe and the hand held mixer I have at home in my kitchen look eerily similar…just look for yourself.

Transvaginal Transducer Probe

Hand Mixer

Go figure?!

AN-Y-WAY, like I was saying, yesterday I had a date, well rather an appointment, to do this month’s Cycle Day 3 ultrasound.

It’s the one where they make sure your ovaries are clear with no remaining follicles, cysts, etc.

I must say that this appointment went a lot smoother than this one did last month.

However, I once again got the all clear and I also got a new protocol for this month.

It's called...OPERATION SUPER OVUALTION…tah, dah!

It can also be dubbed…TRACEY’S LAST DITCHED EFFORT TO GET PREGNANT VIA INTRAUTERINE INSEMINATION (IUI) BEFORE HAVING TO MOVE ONTO WALLET SPLITTING INVITRO FERTILIZATION (IVF)!

Here's my protocol:

Cycle Days 3 through 7 - 50mg - Clomid (tablets)
Cycle Days 8 through 11 - 75iu - Follistim (injectables)

Follistim is a follicle stimulating hormone and since it is an injectable med, it’s being used to “amp” up my egg follicle production and maturation. TRANSLATE: Give me more mature follies.

Cycle Day 11 - Estraidol (E2) level blood work done and ultrasound to check follicle size

Somewhere between Cycles Day 12 through 14, Ovidrel trigger shot and then IUI thereafter.

So there you have it folks. We are hoping that this protocol holds the winning numbers to our baby lottery ticket.

Ultimately, I know it’s all in the Lord’s hands and it is in HIS hands that I will trust and have faith.

God Bless and have a great weekend everyone!

I'm Over It

My pity party that is.

I had a couple of days of wallowing around in my, “Why can’t it be a pregnancy for me?” mode.

And, I am now ready to hit the road again…sort of like this young lady only minus the red hair and apparent bikini cleavage.





Nevertheless, you know what I mean.

Oh, and I would be totally remiss without offering up a great big helping of thanks to all of you who commented and left such wonderful words of encouragement.

I really cannot express how much that meant to me, and it definitely helped me to get over myself.

I have to admit that sometimes I type my blog entries often wondering if anyone is actually out there reading and caring about what I’m writing, and then lo’ and behold, I get such meaningful and sincere comments and I know you are there.

Moreover, you like me, you really, really like me.

And the feeling is mutual my friends! :0)

So, here I sit in “spotty” land waiting for the dreaded monthly visit from you-know-who, but I am not despondent. Instead, I am rather rejuvenated and ready to tackle another month.

Michael and I have decided that we will give IUI (intrauterine insemination) one more try and then it’s off to IVF (in vitro fertilization) for us.

However, before that, we’ll need to rob a bank first (since our insurance doesn’t cover IVF).

But hey, we’ll tackle that obstacle when we get there.

I mean after all, it’s going to take me awhile to get bank layouts, safe codes and an undetectable get-a-way car…LOL!

You'll Know Where To Find Me

Yep, right here…in this hole.

You see, I am hiding from the truth.

And the truth is…

This month is a complete BUST...

A-G-A-I-N!

No doubt about it.

It’s another BFN (BIG FAT NEGATIVE) for me.

They say that sometimes the best thing that we can do for our mental health is to be honest, and so here goes…

THIS SUCKS!

I apologize if those words offend any of you, but I am being totally honest and it’s just how I feel right now.

Oh, and while I’m being honest, I’ll go on and admit that yes, I fell victim to the “Reading Into Every Possible Pregnancy Symptom Syndrome” this month.

Silly, silly me…I know better.

So here I am world. Almost one year since my second miscarriage and still nothing. Nothing, but heartache, and disappointment, and let down.

Oh, and medicine induced weight gain…how in the world could I forget about the weight gain?!

I know, I know…I am having a pity party for myself and I’m the only one invited…sorry. But seriously, you wouldn’t want to be coming to this party anyway. After all, the only party favors are stark white with no second line on them pee sticks. Whoo, hoo! Yea, right!

Wish I could tell you what’s next, but I don’t know the answer to that question right now.

Wait, I know what’s next…my period.

Oh, what fun and joy. UGH!

Er, um, Lord, I know you are here with me, especially when I am at my lowest, and I thank YOU and praise YOU for that, really I do.

But, I’m not asking for the colors of a rainbow here, just two pink lines and they don’t even have to be big ones, I promise.

Maybe next month?